This is going to be a somewhat one-sided discussion because I figure not many guys are going to be reading this, NOT because I’m singling women out…not this time anyway. I LOVE women, I love women MORE than the average guy. I’m just throwing out tools to broaden the feminine perspective a bit to accommodate an understanding of men. There is no quick and easy fix for relationship issues. You’re ALWAYS going to get your hands dirty trying to keep the engine running. Most make a few attempts and then, “that shit don’t work” attitude pops up, and then back to the routine of mediocrity. Being in it for the long haul has got to be at the root of your journey together. I’ll have to assume that’s the case for both parties working to reignite their stagnant passion. These are a few pointers I’d like to put out there for the ladies who wish to communicate sexual needs OR anything else you want him to register. These also work if you’re having problems understanding what you man’s needs are and you want him to open up. It could be that you’ve tried and tried without getting your needs met or anywhere near what you wanted. Maybe it’s just that someone between the two of you just wants more “luvin'” than the weekends when the kids go to sleep. Maybe some help with household duties. Making such requests can challenge your partner’s manhood, security and/or ego. From experience ladies, when it comes down to it, it’s all in how you ask.
You can get ANYTHING you want from the man you love. We’re rather simple. Hands down a woman can outtalk a man in her sleep, but most struggle with communicating. Women develop earlier than men in this department, so by nature you are more savvy linguists (Not to say we don’t catch up). We are definitely easier to frustrate with just the sheer volume of words in a short span of time, not coming from an speaker or electronic device. So, first off, KEEP IT SHORT. I have GOT to say it, sometimes women don’t know when to shut up. So, I MUST ADD: Let him talk. Don’t cut him off. Don’t give (feed) him answers. Don’t finish his sentences. Instead, Empathize with the difficulty of expressing himself emotionally. You’ll be doing yourself a favor. The goal is in communication not being right. Rants accompanied with too much volume hypnotize men, and you begin to sounds like Charlie Brown’s school teacher…upset. So, if you’d like to keep his attention long enough for him to receive your point, get to the point FAST. Your man will not be upset over a short lived conversation about him doing laundry or the tub…trust me.
The second thing I can say is to USE PHYSICAL TOUCH IN A POSITIVE WAY. No hitting of any kind. We don’t say it but it’s SO damn annoying. Like a mosquito in a tent at bedtime. Men react better to body language over straight conversation. I’ve bought drinks all night for two perfect (female) strangers because one played with my hair (ahhh… to be young and single). I mention that to illustrate to power of physical contact. Let’s be as real as the decline of the dolla’ dolla’ bill y’all. I’d rather be told I need to do something with some sugar on it, well over being barked at. Remember, when you asked him for a favor within the first six months of having sex? I’ll bet your voice was four octaves higher, slathered with honey and powdered like a donut, huh? Now, that you’re nice and comfy, there’s vinegar, with salt, sprinkled on shards of glass and mirror glitter spitting towards him. Butter him up…WE LOVE IT!!! But the from the heart shit. That, “he ONLY wants sex” attitude will ALWAYS mess up the flow of good Juju. OK, he DOES want that, BUT there’s a difference between sex (maintenance of the body and procreation) and lovemaking (maintenance of the soul and connection), relationships need both. What’s REALLY wrong with more luvin’? If you can handle it, of course. If you can only physically do so much there are options, as everything moves back into place. Men enjoy feeling you feeling them…DO IT!!!
DO NOT OVERREACT…Why so serious? This is not a business meeting, so be easy, Baby. Have a glass of wine with the conversation after dinner, SOMETHING. Some of you REALLY need to loosen and lighten up. Whatever force of nature you believe in, it has a sense of humor. You can laugh with it or get laughed at. The more animated you become, the more we have no interest in what you have to say. What you learn from “slugs and snails” are they will go through all kinds dirt & rot to feed and survive. They recede once prodded and too much salt kills them. You have to know how to keep cool even when you’re not getting your way…Princess. Most of you are not as savvy with rejection as men have become since we learned we had to ask you out on dates. So having your head in the game is critical, as well is timing. After a meal, on a walk is a GREAT way to create a space for you to open up and the message reach him. After sex, not so much. Neither is at any time where he can compare the conversation to what he would rather be doing.
Lastly, picture it going your way! If visualization works for professional athletes, scholars and therapists what better place to put such a powerful tool but in your relationship. I want you to put yourself in a positive place before hand. If you picture losing you’ve beat yourself. You’ve gotta wrap all these little pointers up in a nice little bundle of love…you. Remember you are his gift and he is yours, Resolve and satisfaction are not easily attained all the time but it’s worth the work.
Written and Submitted by: Fitzcarmel LaMarre