The Joseline Effect

Even if you have never bothered to watch an episode of Love and Hip H0p Atlanta, I am sure you have heard about the infamous Joseline. She breezed into Atlanta from Miami, stole Mimi’s man, got pregnant and wrecked havoc on the lives of just about everyone she came in contact with.  She is the type of woman us self-proclaimed “good” women despise.  The questions I am challenging you to ponder are– How did she get to that point? Are the rest of us really that far from being a Joseline?

I can remember when my 12 year old self sat down and created my very first life plan. Oh boy, I was going to be someone amazing..superwoman of the century. Then life happened and that woman was reinvented at least a dozen times. I can imagine that, at some point, Joseline (and every woman like her..every woman like you and I) imagined a very different existence..maybe a husband, a house and little dog, some children, great vacations and graduations. Instead LIFE happened. She found herself on her own before anyone could teach her what womanhood was truly all about. She was forced to be an adult and given an adult reality at a time when she should have still be allowed to believe in fairy tales.  On the surface, I hated her too. Why? Because I have been the good girl who was cheated on, lied to and disrespected.  I watched helplessly as some hateful woman celebrated the destruction of my life, as I knew it.

I asked myself, what brought Joseline to the point where she just didn’t care anymore and then it hit me…LIFE HAPPENED.  Oh ok I hear you already saying “oh please, life happens to us all” but just think about it.  There is someone, somewhere who was once a very big and important part of your life. Then one day he or she became “just my baby mama/daddy” or cause you to get that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach when you hear their name.  Now imagine that disappointment and hurt happening over and over again. Admit it, you understand why some women say they would rather be alone and also why some women date men solely because of their status/money. Maybe you never acted on it…but you get it.  I remember being pregnant and finding myself alone. When I stopped crying, I built a wall so high and so wide that man could never get back in…almost 20 years later and I still can’t remember really ever loving him.

I don’t defend disrespect..especially among women. I do understand how easy it is to go from believing in “happily ever after” to “get them before they get you”.  Seems to me that, what I now call the Joseline Effect, has infected many of us…male and female. We loved and lost, we tried and were defeated and then we decided that we simply just didn’t care anymore. It truly takes more strength to be happy for others when you don’t have anything in your world to celebrate. It takes a special person to love again after being hurt so badly. Some of us break free…sadly some don’t. Either way we have all been there…



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